Brexit is like ...

[Lofos-5]

• Brexit is like when you decide to go through a fast food drive-thru and you get to the second window and realise that you’ve forgotten your wallet except now there is a car behind you and a car in front so you can’t get out.

• Brexit is like when you go into a shop and take something to the till and it ends up being more expensive than you thought but you’re too awkward to say anything so you just end up paying over the odds for a bottle of wine you didn’t need anyway.

• Brexit is like when your boyfriend says he’ll be home from work in time for dinner but actually he has gone to the pub with his workmates for a few hours and you’re sat at home like a chump.

• Brexit is like when you lose your phone and you accuse everyone around you of stealing it before you discover that it was actually in the bottom of your bag the whole time but you’re too proud to say anything so you alienate a group of your friends with your false accusations.

• Brexit is like being Dr Alex on Love Island and rejecting every woman that comes into the villa but kicking off when a woman rejects you.

• Brexit is like sinking your fancy pants yacht because you don’t want “foreign” staff to be able to work on it.

• Brexit is like crashing your brand new, souped-up car because you don’t like the directions the satnav is giving you.

• Brexit is like when those people build outhouses in their garden except they didn’t ask for planning permission and the council find out and they have to knock the whole thing down just to ask for planning permission so they can build it again.

• Brexit is like in Eurovision when we psych ourselves up for a win but then we have to sit there for an extended period of time while all the countries around us tell us we’re s**t.

• Brexit is like when you’re at the dentist and the dentist in charge, who has all the dental knowledge, asks you a pertinent and important question but you can’t answer because said dentist has their fingers in your mouth.

from: https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/br ... 68691.html

A.

[Jimgym]

Biggest load of crap that I've had the misfortune to read in a long time!

Glad it's not just me who thought that. I cannot believe someone took the time to actually write it. Still, it is the school holidays so I suppose it forms part of a child's homework.

[Varky]

On many instances you can substitute 'Brexit' with 'Bremaining' and it still holds good.

e.g Bremaining is like when you go into a shop and take something to the till and it ends up being more expensive than you thought but you’re too awkward to say anything so you just end up paying over the odds for a bottle of wine you didn’t need anyway.

So the logical thing to do would be to put the bottle of wine back on the shelf and leave!

[OhSusana]

Great post, Lofos-5. Thanks for that.

Some other great jokes here -
https://inews.co.uk/light-relief/humour ... xit-jokes/

like -
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.

“I voted Remain, not just for political reasons but because my mum’s moved to Spain and I want her to stay there.” – Leo Kearse

“Roy Hodgson has just been made prime minister. He has a fantastic record of leaving Europe swiftly.”

How did the Brexit chicken cross the road?
"I never said there was a road. Or a chicken".

“The young people are surprised that the older people have done them over. All those year’s they spent hanging outside Tesco Metro, drinking, smoking, intimating them… these old people have just been waiting for their chance. And yesterday they thought ‘let’s see how you like listening to your drum ‘n’ bass on your phone when we’re out of the EU, you p****!” – Alex Brooker

[OhSusana]

More here -
What is the funniest joke about Brexit that you have heard?
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-funni ... have-heard

How many Brits does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The Brits are too busy screwing themselves.

New version of the parachute joke: a German a French man and an Englishman are on a plane. The pilot calls mayday and tells them that they crashing and everybody should jump. But there are only two parachutes. The German suggests drawing lots. The Frenchman sighs and agrees. The Englishman jumps.

Another one or two from elsewhere -

Brexit could be followed by Grexit, Departugal, Italeave, Czechout, Outstria, Finish, Slovakout, Latervia, Byegium.
Only Remania will stay.

What do you call a restaurant that only serves pancakes? All Day Brexit.

What did David Cameron sing on his last day as Prime Minister? "I can't live, if living is without EU." "Never gonna give EU up." "Don't Go Brexit my heart." "Want EU Back for Good".

Why do the English drink so much tea? Because tea leaves.

[OhSusana]

Merci beaucoup, mon Ami ..Ou la la..… Le Peuple have worked out that we are one and the same? Mon Dieu! … Then I will have to write in ze disguise. Peut etre like ze great Belgium detecteeve, Monsieur Poirot. Then les autres will think that I am just a nasty foreigner. Hopefully, mon Ami, le nouveau plan will work! Beaucoup de laughs.

[June]

Aaahh....there you go Lloyd..you've got a mate. That's nice

[Jimgym]

*Checks exit*, nope, all still here. Still if it makes you feel better Lloyd, keep imagining.

[Jimgym]

Amazing...you guys weren't bored with the debate (as you now claim to be) in the months post Brexit vote. In those days you were like a pack of baying hounds, going after my throat for the most part.

As dream now turns into miserable reality, all of a sudden you've lost your enthusiasm...and claim to be bored with the debate. Coincidence or what

Yet another straw man from you. Keep making these things up Lloyd. I can only assume it gives you some sort of pleasure to concoct such fantasies.

[Dominic]

Hardly coincidence. It is very boring when you repeat the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

[Firefly]

And me

[June]

Nice one Dominic. That made me laugh.

[June]

Ah well Lloyd.. just goes to show even you can change your mind

[Firefly]

Yes of course we have a sense of humour, you make us laugh. Well, flagellation and self harm ? Realms of fantasy springs to mind