Political Correctness- Its no joking matter!!!!

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JimX
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Political Correctness- Its no joking matter!!!!

Post by JimX »

Political Correctness- Its no joking matter!!!!

Nelson in 2016

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to Flags. What's the
meaning
of this?"

Hardy:"Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): “England expects every person to do his or
her
duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious
persuasion
or disability - What gobbledygook is this for God's sake?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal
opportunities
employer now. We had the devil's own job getting “England" past the
censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry Sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-
free
working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the
main
brace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It’s part of the
Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of a sea battle. We must
advance
with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No
harness;
and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let
anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck
Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-
free
environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse
even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral
by
playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in
the
areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell
the
men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being
charged
with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-
aid
lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the French and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, Sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners
now.
According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this
stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."


Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you
saying
that Sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your
King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural
age.
Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum,
sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: “As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on
corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about homosexuality?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case............... Kiss me, Hardy."
Jim.
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kingfisher
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Location: μελισσοβουνος 15years

Re: Political Correctness- Its no joking matter!!!!

Post by kingfisher »

Thanks Jim, a real belly-laugh!
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