A truly English daughter
An English father goes into his daughter's bedroom and sees a
letter addressed to "Mummy and Daddy" on the bed. With a heavy heart he opens it and reads:
Dearest Mummy & Daddy,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice - especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos and his big American motorcycle.
But it's not only that, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his caravan in the bush. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams, too. I've learned that marijuana does not hurt anyone and we'll be growing it only for us and Ahmed's friends. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better. He really deserves it.
Don't worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jahmal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn £200 per scene, and I get a £200 bonus if there are more than 3 men in the scene and an extra £100 for the sheep.
Don't worry, Mummy, now that I'm 15 I know how to take care of myself. Someday we'll visit you and Daddy so that you can meet your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Sarah
P.S.. Daddy, it's not true - I'm watching television with Jessica and her parents next door.
I just wanted to show you that there really are far worse things in life than England losing The Ashes.
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